i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
