After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
