In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
