for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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