Need sex. Gaining weight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
