the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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