I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
