Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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