You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
