i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
