I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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