they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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