there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
