All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
