Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
