The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
