Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
