So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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