i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
