Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
