Old men and throwing up are my life now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
