I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
