Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
