fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
