I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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