question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
