just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
