it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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