I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
