Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
