How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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