all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
