Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
