She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
