At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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