ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
