I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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