I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
