I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
