Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
