No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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