Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
