You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
