Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
