i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
