using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
