Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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