why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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