this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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