when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
