sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
