I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
