it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
