Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pooping to opera.
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