Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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