There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
