Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
