You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
