thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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