Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
