im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
