Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
