just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
