I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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