u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
