i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
