SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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