ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
