i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
